a kiss full of promises

What's happening me? Why do i have no friends? I'm a mess. My hair is greasy and tied back, all sorts of colours. I basically live in these pair of jeans, all my shirts are dirty so i don't change 'em. I am so fucking thin. My jeans are getting to be too big around the waist again, i sigh. Leaning over my bed. (well its a matress. but its fine for me.) i look at the clock. 6.30 oh wait. It doesn't work anymore. I know one thing. Its friday and i need a fix. Which means he'll be around any time soon.

I look myself in the mirror. I've let myself go. Should i shower? Why should i though? I'll only get dirty again.. no i have to shower..he can't see me like this. Well he's seen me worse. But that was embarrasing. But i can't remember, i just remember stumbling about screaming like a madwoman.

I AM A MESS.

I strip off and fill the bath. I get in the bath and kneel, i start washing my body, i look down at me, i am a real fucking mess. My veins look screwed. Are they even veins? No..they're worms. Inside me. Worms...worms..god. I'm going insane!!

When my hair is washed i climb outta the bath and dress myself, my hair dries pretty quickly. I'm so hungry, i run to check if i have any money left. Nope. Not a dollar. I drop to my knees. I'm fucked up..so fucked up. I wasted all my money on dope! It's gonna kill me.. i don't want to die..

..yes i do wanna die! I have no one here.. no purpose.. tears roll down my cheeks and i sob. I hear footsteps. Is he back? Or is it the other guy delivering my stuff? I hear him call my name.. I spin around, on my knees and i am breathless. He's back. "Duff.." he scooped me into his arms, and i warmed up to his chest. "What have you done to yourself baby?" i just shrug, miserable, but he knows me too damn well.

"How are...um.." i wave my hand weakly. My voice is weezy from the ciggys and i don't talk at all. "The guys?" Duff played with my hair. I nodded and raised my hands to the neck of his shirt and i buried my face in his neck, inhaling his smell. God i had lusted after this man so longggg..

"They're fine..sweetie i want you to move in with me." i shook my head. "I can't afford rent, Duff." "Well duh you wont pay, your living with meeee." God this was the one thing i wanted more than anything. More than my dope! I mumble about being a mess but Duff grabs my arms. "I love you more than anything. Please baby..promise me you'll stay clean" "I.." i gazed into his eyes. "I promise.. promise me you'll help.." "i promise babe.." and i kissed him. a kiss full of promises.